Grudges:
Warm, sunny, Spring afternoons are just beyond the horizon of bleak and gray winters. If you go in search of wonder, you’ll find undeniable beauty in both. One requires focus to imagine what lay ahead and one requires a stillness in order to capture a quiet moment in the midst of the blur of hurried life. One season gives way to the next and try as we might, another year has unfolded its joys and surrenders.
I wish I could seem to tether a season and hold on like a child grasps the long-tailed ribbon of his first balloon, but we all know what happens to that balloon.
Why is that we tend to wear with honor, our wounds from long ago and without effort but have trouble quenching the inevitable joy that is ours if only we would sigh and let go? I think it must have something to do with an innate need to feel understood and therein lies one of the answers at least. If I hold on to victimhood, I’m essentially asking for someone else to take responsibility for my emotions. It becomes all about me. I loved this quote I found in an article in Pyschology Today, “Holding a grudge is lighting ourselves on fire and expecting the other person to die of smoke inhalation.” That’s a truth that hurts.
The most seasoned of relationships that still ignite flames of passion after all the years of inevitable careless words not meant, tired and short tempers that flared and selfishness that went unchecked, because I assure you every single relationship endures them, are the couples that remain friends as well as lovers, they learned to let go of the stings, not inflict new ones and focus on the health and well being of the other in the relationship. The you. Not the I.
The ones that can’t seem to let go? They are the bitter ones, the ones still needing the touch of a good friend but not willing to extend the first hand. You’ve heard of ugly cry, right? The bitter person is ugly old. It’s real and I for one, don’t plan on going there.
This year? I think my resolution is try to be the one that extends the first touch to the one who still cannot let go, to not wallow in self-pity if it isn’t met, to embrace the joy that rightfully belongs to me and let go of the baggage. It’s become awfully heavy anyway. I hope you’ll join me in celebrating the good we see, let die the embers of drama that beg to be stoked and to meet each day with a breath of fresh attitude.
I know resolutions may go the way of the balloon, but perhaps I’ll get to hold on to that ribbon long enough to not fear the loss and to be encouraged by the progress as it sails out of sight.
Cheers & Happy New Year!!
Elaine
