Will You Marry Me? Big question. Big answer. Lives forever changed, yes or no.
January is a month of bold declarations, new beginnings, new routines, cleaner living, changed habits, all very positive in their earnestness. It’s also a month of being engaged or about to be.
As it relates to the engagement period prior to marital accord, I’ve noticed 2 things about couples in my almost 20 years in this industry. One is pure opinion and based loosely on my observation of over 1500 unions, cancelled bookings, subsequent knowledge of post wedding relationship status and the armchair psychology derived from body language, my perception of respectful versus disrespectful communication between couples and family dynamics. When meeting with thousands upon thousands of couples and their families over all these years, patterns have emerged upon which relational traits become telling, much more so than to the casual observer.
Equal investment: If each half of the couple is equally interested or passionate about the other, there is a much higher chance of that couple enjoying one another and working through life’s difficulties with equal tenacity than that of the couple who has one partner more “into” the other than that partner has into the first. This has nothing to do with committing 100% effort once married into the relationship but everything to do with wanting to be there in the first place.
Falling in love is human nature but some might be prone to jump too quickly, some perhaps experienced lust only, and never developed the qualities needed to grow into love and some are too weak to admit that maybe, just maybe, they got sucked into the excitement and now know no way to bow out gracefully.
Second: From my vantage point, and yes it’s biased, I’ve seen more Christian marriages withstand the long years happily than those with no faith background. Make no mistake, I’ve known many wonderful and strong marriages whose respect and dedication for each other was inspiring and they had little to no religiosity and likewise, I’m not saying that being a Christian is the save button for successful marriage. What I am saying though, is that those who rely on God as their purpose for maintaining the strength needed to carry on through the lean times seem to have an edge over their counterparts in keeping the fires burning, not just making do. There is data to support this, too. (church attenders – marriages)
Love is life’s most beautiful gift here on earth and to be given the opportunity to both share and declare it with whom you’ve decidedly chosen, for death us do part, is a lifelong sojourn that allows us each to grow into the selfless definition of love itself. It takes a lifetime to do that though, it takes both to want to try, so buckle up, and keep saying I Do over and over and over again.
And just for grins, giggles, and keeping it light, here’s a couple more fun articles in the ‘keys to a happy marriage department’: Gottman’s “turn towards, not away” and marriage stats and surprises from Reader’s Digest
Twenty years married, but still happily engaged,
Elaine
