The Sandwich Generation is not a term I was familiar with until recently and if the name is lost on you, then you must be on either end of what lies in the middle. The middle layer consists of older adults in their 50’s – 60’s who have adult children with possible families of their own as well as aging parents who they may or may not be caring for. I happen to be one of the fortunate ones who have independent adult children taking good care of themselves and my parents are also quite independent and need no caregiving assistance thus far.
When I think back on my grandparents, I envision a really sweet couple, married for 50 years and because I was just a kid, they seemed really old to me. Like they were born that way. There’s no way they grew to be that old, even though pictures might prove otherwise. Great-grandparents were just simply prehistoric and only lived in tattered black and white photographs.
Parents though, especially now that I’m in the middle of that sandwich, don’t seem to be that old to me, but my own grandchildren would surely disagree. I’m quite sure they’d refer to me as ancient already. What I love the most about this middle sandwich stage of life is that I’m witnessing a nurtured yet vintage love blossoming. My mom married her husband a little later in life, but 38 years in, and both now in their 80’s, their marriage has grown into a mature love affair of the heart with the same tenderness I remember witnessing between my grandparents. It wasn’t always that way.
To tenderize is to make tender by beating. Now, I recognize that that definition is more commonly referring to meat, but I’m here to tell you that no relationship gets to the ripe age of maturity without some bruised egos, and a fair amount of consumed humble pie. The trick is to love like Jesus would, ask for forgiveness often, and laugh at your own expense. Often.
I’m witnessing in my mom’s marriage, a beautiful resignation of will. She recognizes that she needs him as much as he’s also recognizing how much he needs her. They hold hands often, they laugh regularly, and they’ll probably bicker over how loud the tv is, for forever.
With some concerted prayer and grace from above, you and I might just reach that golden anniversary. May this year grant me a more generous heart, a more tender touch and a whole lot of gratitude for the opportunity.
Cheers to the New Year!
Elaine
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